Blended

As I listen to the fire alarm blare in my ear, because my "step"daughter burnt something in the kitchen, I thought to myself how awesome my kids are and how they are mine. I have never seen my kids as "step" children or "that's my wife's kids". These kids are mine. Sometimes I forget I didn't change their diapers or have them sleep on my chest as I have with the other four but by no means are they any less mine. Phee has a sweetness that I have and Moriah has the bluntness I have too lol. It was suggested to me that I talk about what it was like to have a blended household. So today I will try to explain it from my point of view and maybe I can convince my wife to explain her point of view in a later post. Personally I hate the phrase "stepchild". It seems so unfeeling or unwanted. When I married my wife I married Moriah and Phee. There are things that you do have to deal with in a blended family like, the other parent, maybe seeing a side of your child that did not come from you or your spouse, or dealing with "your not my dad or mom" treatment. These are real issues that have to be addressed. First, you and your spouse have to be on the same page. Communication is the key or there will be trouble. When you are not on the same page with disciplines, the responsibilities, money and all sorts of stuff it leads to the kids being able to divide you. If your not sure of how to handle a situation ask your spouse and be on the same page. The children need to know you are united and that you aren't going anywhere. Second treat the children the same, no favorites, but you still need to understand each child is different. Example: both kids got great grades you give both a gifts but the gift is specific to each child. Third, the other parent, this is simple, you and your spouse need to be ONE. There are some cool "other" parents, some that are not cool, some that are just not there. In each case you have to go into it together. Some things you will have to talk to your kids about "together". A united front is how you have a successful family and of course Christ. Side note never let your spouse think they are second fiddle to your ex. This is the order of things God, Christ, husband/wife, kids don't get it mixed up. Keeping your relationship with your spouse healthy is the best thing for you and your kids. Forth, your not my mom or dad phrase. If ya hear it your probably doing something right. Most of the time it is because they are angry and trying to hurt you. But for that to hurt you that means you see yourself as a mom or dad and that's good. I'm not gonna lie it hurts when you hear it but you can't let it get to you.  Don't get caught up in the title that your child says to you as long as they are saying it in respect and honor.  Because if their bio dad is around then they will call him dad and call you Steve, John, or Demarcus. Just as long as it is said with respect then it should be cool. Respect is earned so give them time to adjust too.  Fifth, so when you and your spouse look at each other and go "that didn't come from me" when the child does something really interesting. Well ya just have to deal with it. Because it most likely came from the ex. This is where sharing info on the ex can help you greatly into how your child thinks. Last but definitely not the least Prayer, Prayer, Prayer is a must. I do not have all the answers but God does.  I'm sure some of this can help someone out there and I hope to hear from  anybody that may have got something out of this post.